I Thought She’d Live Forever

Joni and her mom

Joni Grow McCollam and her mom

She was a little woman
But you’d never know it
With piercing dark brown eyes
A great big smile you’d see in a magazine

It was her word that you couldn’t forget
Whatever came out, you heard it loud and clear
There was never a chance you missed it
She commanded attention

She ruled everything and everyone
Her neighbours knew her wrath
Always knowing
Never backing down

The crinkles around her eyes
Gave away her secret
Always a demon to most
But deep inside an angel to us

No one knew the real her
The years mellowed that dragon inside
The fact that the world did not bow at her feet
She finally accepted it, and then the truth came out

She was the woman who stood by us no matter
The one who gave us the brutal truth always
About anything and everything
The pain of words said and lessons learned

The pride too was there
Sometimes there was a price
But it was worth it
I thought she was immortal

She left swiftly in the night
No warning or notice
Just a fierce battle and then
Her smile no more

Our hearts torn from us
Leaving us shocked
We never thought she’d leave
Never thought she’d be no more

My name is Joni Grow McCollam and my mom is Jeanne D’Arc Descoteaux (1926-2003) Montreal, Québec, Canada

I wrote this poem when my mother passed on. I love to write and am presently writing a book of poetry. Maybe someday I’ll get it finished!

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How Nonna Angela Inspired Me – A Reflection

I feel blessed to have been able to spend so much time with my maternal grandmother. As we laid her to rest on what would have been her 91st birthday in January her words “I never expected to live a day past 50” came to mind. Flooded with the emotions of losing my greatest inspiration and source of unconditional love, I realized that her torch needed to be carried forward. This will not be an easy task because Nonna Angela was the strongest person I ever met. If her life had lasted only as long as she expected, then she would never have met me or been able to inspire me – both personally and professionally.

Born to Calabrian immigrants in Pennsylvania in 1923, my Nonna became an exemplary daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend, grandmother, aunt, and employee. Her obituary listed the school that she attended and the places she worked but there wasn’t enough space to include all of her talents.  She was also a self-taught and amazingly talented artist, painter, designer, home decorator, cook, creator, baker, floral arranger, cake decorator, seamstress, and knitter.

Amy Riolo

Amy Riolo and her Nonna Angela

Witnessing Nonna do all of these activities seemingly effortlessly and with such success instilled in me the belief that, with determination, anything could be achieved.  In addition to her “the sky is the limit attitude”, Nonna led by example instead of by words. Surrounded by her constant steady support, endless love, strong actions, pride, respect, and dignity, it would have been very difficult not to thrive. While she taught me many lessons, there are a few in particular which I draw upon daily for strength.

See the divine in everything : Although I always loved my grandmother, I never knew just how special she was.  At age 8, I asked her to help me with my Sunday school homework – an assignment to put a check mark next to all the things that God created. I checked the sea and the animals but Nonna asked me why I didn’t check the chairs and the pencils. I said “Nonna, man made those – the teacher said so.” She said, “Amy, God made man. So, if you’re teacher doesn’t see the connection, tell them they are in the wrong profession.” Needless to say, the teacher didn’t get the connection but I did. Feeling a connection to the divine makes daily life more enriching and satisfying and I wouldn’t know this if it weren’t for her.

Be thankful : Nonna had many reasons to complain about her circumstances but she never did. She survived sickness, betrayal, poverty, car accidents, surgeries, deaths of siblings, sexism, harassment, abuse, prejudice, and more.  When her eldest son died unexpectedly a few years ago, she was devastated but she never questioned his destiny. He was the light of her life. She spoke eloquently at his funeral, with the poise of a politician, and thanked God for giving her the time that they had together. It was one the most painful moments of her life yet she never complained. I am embarrassed when in comparison, I think of the things that I lament about.

Understand the importance of food, family, and tradition : Each holiday was ushered in with traditional Calabrian baked goods that Nonna learned from her mother, who had learned from hers, and so on. Foods like Petrali and Mostaccioli cookies at Christmas, and Cuzzupe di Pasqua, Easter Bread, at Easter, were a common staple at our family table. These recipes are just some of the many that signify the quality time that Nonna spent with us and the rituals that she passed along. It gave me great pleasure to know that, after 3 generations in the United States, we ate the same holiday specialties as our relatives in Italy did.

When I was a teenager and my mother went to work outside of the home, I was assigned the “chore” of cooking for the family. My mom used to leave foods in the refrigerator for me to prepare after school.  I felt completely unprepared for the assignment so I would call Nonna, list the ingredients on the phone, and she would tell me what to make, walking me through the preparation, step by step.

Nonna Angela gave me my first cookbook and I was addicted. I would look up my mystery ingredients in the index and challenge myself to create the tastiest dish possible with what I had on hand (sort of like the television show Chopped).  Cooking and writing recipes became my greatest joy.

Most importantly, Nonna taught me “that food is the foundation upon which our families, communities, cultures, and lives are built.” It is this observation that led me to becoming a culinary anthropologist. I never dreamt, growing up, that her lessons would one day translate into a food career that has given me accolades on four continents. I wouldn’t be called “The Cook to the Kings” in the Middle East, one of “Washington’s food elite” in the US, or be an award-winning author if it weren’t for her.

This past Christmas, when her doctor wanted to admit her to the hospital to live out her final days as she had difficulty breathing, Nonna refused. She mustered up the strength to mumble, “I can’t!  I have to go home and make cookies with Amy. ” It was our last Christmas baking together.

Thanks to her mentorship, I now dedicate a great deal of my professional work to reclaiming the recipes of the past and making sure that they are not lost. I try to prepare Nonna’s recipes for our family on holidays since I am the only one who knows them. I also share them with my following, because there are a growing number of people who are interested in reclaiming lost culinary cultures.

Nonna Angela lived a simple life mostly within the confines of her home or the homes of her children, yet her reach was global. Upon learning of her passing, friends from all over the world sent their condolences, shared the impact that she made on their life, and said how much they would miss her and her baking.  Although I don’t even hope to live up to her legacy, it is my dream that each of the members of our family can carry one of the ways in which she inspired us forward.

In the meantime I’ll strive to do my best with the baked goods, knowing that, if there are bakeries in heaven Nonna Angela is probably running them.

My name is Amy Riolo and my inspiring Nonna is Angela Magnone Foti (1923 – 2014)

Amy Riolo is an Award-Winning Author, Chef, Television Personality, Cuisine and Culture Expert, and Mediterranean Diet Advocate

 

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A Salute to Fathers

Everyone hears the stories of what happened when the kids were left alone with dad.  Most of them are funny anecdotes about how he got fooled into getting them ice cream, or how he had a mishap with the washing machine, or when he “misplaced” one of the kids during a shopping adventure to the hardware store.

Fathers Day 2014

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

The truth of what really happened is that we children got time with the other parent.  So whether it resulted in fun and games, watching a football game on TV or just hanging around the house together we had moments to enjoy with dad doing the things that dads do.  We were not fooling him into anything he did not want to do because he was just as happy hanging out and spending time with us.

Now don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that dad was never there for us as he and my mom were parents that sometimes we thought cared too much. However, most of the time the best moments with dad were the unexpected ones.  The ones that no one planned, the long talks and maybe even the things we learned without even realizing he was teaching us something.

I remember a lot of those times with my dad. Times that I thought I’d be better off outside playing with my friends but I learned how to hammer in a nail.  Times that he was running on about the past but was really telling me about his life, his youth and his parents, my grandparents. Times I complained that I did not feel like helping with the lawn, the garden or the flowers but then there are all the things that I learned how to do thanks to those times together.

I fondly remember when he took my hand and we went for a walk; when he taught me how to dance; when we stood around the barbeque and he showed me how to tell if the meat was the right doneness; and when he wiped away my tears.

Then I remember the time he went into the hospital and never came home again.  I hated seeing him in that bed day after day more than he hated being there.  He had been my rock for so many years and I never thought that he could or would be vulnerable to anything, let alone illness.

If we look back at last week, last month, or last year, how many of us imagine that we may never savor these moments with our dad again.

So for Father’s Day, I would like to salute all the fathers that inspire us and teach us to be better people.  Remember to savor each moment – they are all precious.

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Just Doing What Needs To Be Done

My mom is someone very special. She has always done what needs to be done. That is just what she did. No frills and no recognition required.

She has a huge heart and a beautiful spirit. She is the best example of a true woman as I have ever seen. She raised my sister and me on her own. She had some help from my dad when they got divorced, but she still had to take care of us day to day by herself. She did what she needed to do to put food on the table, clothes on our backs, and shoes on our feet. Sometimes this meant doing double duty waitressing or working at a gas station. She made it exciting to have breakfast for dinner and I still love having mac and cheese with sausage links. We might not have had a lot of extras, but we always had what we needed.

Over time our family grew. In the 1980s we gained a Dad and two siblings. She was the glue that bound our new found family together. It may have been a bit messy at times, but she helped us all become a family. She taught us that being related by blood doesn’t make people a family. A family is a group of people who care for each other. They stick with each other; through the good times and the bad.

Playtime

Dana with her mom and her younger sister.

As I have grown older, I have become friends with my mom. We take “girl trips” and have a blast together. I enjoy talking with her, learning about her, and sharing myself with her. She has evolved and grown, sometimes changing careers, but always worked hard. She is very giving of herself and of her time.

In many ways she is still the mom from when I was a little girl, just doing what needs to be done. My mom taught me that you can become whatever you want to be if you are willing to put in the work. She has also changed – learning to be open to seeing life outside of the traditional box. This mom taught me to not be afraid to change; to grow and to open myself to all life has to teach if you have an open heart.

My name is Dana Belden and my mother is Cheri. She is living a life that is filled with heart and has taught me to do the same.

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My Mother’s Many Hats

If I were to describe my mom, I would probably say she is the best. And I wish I could give you a better description but that’s really all there is to it. She’s the best hugger, the best cuddler, the best chef, and the best inspiration. She has the best smile, the best laugh, and the best advice.

She told me that sexy is not what you wear, it’s how you wear it. She told me God will never give us more than we can handle and that this, too, shall pass. She told me girls are vicious and agreed with me when I said self­-centered Jewish boys are much easier to find than the nice ones. She told me not to worry too much about my weight in college and that it’s okay if I end up not working in the field of my major.

If I turn into half the woman my mother is I’ll consider myself lucky.

Jodi Silberstein with her inspiration, her mom.

Jodi Silberstein with her inspirational mom

When my brother Mike wanted to be a soccer player, my mom became the minivan driving soccer mom sitting on the sideline of every single game in rain or shine…snow or heat wave. When my brother Scott found a passion for music, she became the cool mom who tolerated the amps hooked up in his room and the short-lived band that practiced in our garage. When I decided I wanted to be a “triple threat actress,” she signed me up for dance classes, vocal lessons, and became the stage mom who dropped everything in her schedule to drive me into the city for auditions.

Those times in high school when the girls were vicious as she had warned and my heart was broken, my mom gave me space – ­ a thing every high schooler could always use more of. Sometimes she would come to my room with some tea and a homemade cookie and ask if I wanted to talk. If I did, she would sit with me until I felt better. If I didn’t, she would walk away closing the door behind her. Perhaps I didn’t say it much then so I will say it now: Thanks, Mom.

When I broke both my legs in a snowboarding accident three years ago, my mom became an advocate for handicap accessibility at every restaurant, public bathroom, dressing room, and store we went to. She sat with me at 3 in the morning when the painkillers gave me insomnia and still got up for work in the morning.

My mom became a hero when she turned the family business around. She had spent over a decade working as a certified personal trainer. She had all her clients in the morning and then spent the afternoons going for runs on the boardwalk, reading books, and cooking gourmet dinners.

But when my dad came to her one day saying that the interior design business that had been in our family for over 85 years was coming to an end, my mom dropped her sublime afternoon routine and turned the entire business around. For the next year, my mom continued to see clients in the morning, while cleaning up the showroom, organizing their finances, and becoming a self­-taught interior designer in the afternoons.

She has since stopped working as a personal trainer and is now working as the store’s only decorator and book keeper and has heroically brought in enough work to not only pull the family business out of debt but even start making a profit again.

Throughout my 20 years on this earth, I’ve seen my mom transform herself into whomever our family needed her to be, always with the biggest smile on her face and it has only been in recent years that I discovered a new quality of my mom:­ a friend. And yes, like all other things about her, she is the best at it.

Reposted by permission of Jodi Silberstein of http://www.642stories.com

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What My Mom Taught Me About Being a Female Entrepreneur

It’s a great time to be a female entrepreneur, as we are surrounded by so much support. In the industries in which we find ourselves most networked, there are a bevy of groups for women (Women in America, The World Economic Forum’s YGL Women’s Network and The Li.st, among others.).

In comparison, when my mother was a young PhD candidate getting her start in the field of public health at New York City-based Columbia University (and academia in general), there were fewer formal networking groups for her to join to help her on her path.

Soraya Darabi

Co-founder of Zady, Soraya Darabi and her mother
Image credit: Zady

I feel very fortunate to have been raised by a proud feminist in an era where women are encouraged to pursue their professional dreams. My mother was always the first to encourage me to be ambitious, studious, thoughtful and curious.

There have, of course, been challenges. As millennial female entrepreneurs, we’ve certainly encountered bias, so we work doubly hard to demonstrate how deeply we understand the landscape we work in.

During challenging times, my mother’s best advice always kicks in.  I remember these tips in particular:

“You cannot worry about what you cannot control or change, and you will feel better in the morning.” Predictable, classic mom advice, but somehow it holds true to just about any upsetting situation. As a co-CEO, if I allowed myself to become anxious about everything in our business that I can’t control, I would go insane. And if I don’t get at least seven hours of sleep each night, I will inevitably be less productive and happy. So I release control. And make sure to get plenty of sleep.

“Take care in your female friendships and help others when asked.” This may not sound like a professional tip but indulging in my long-lasting female friendships helps me in work in many ways. If I travel to the Women in Retail conference in Miami, my best friends stay at my apartment to watch over my puppy. If I need legal feedback on the wording of a contract, I can call our lawyers or my closest friend who happens to be a litigator. If I’d like to pen an article for a publication, my college best friend, a professional author, proofs what I write before I submit it.

Women are fabulous at creating clans, and it was my mother, with her terribly close friendships and willingness to lend help whenever asked, who taught me this first and foremost.

“Stay informed.”  Growing up in Minnesota, I watched my mother wake up at 5:30 a.m. daily to read The New York Times, the local Star Tribune and The Christian Science Monitor. Then she would head to work.

As a retail-technology focused entrepreneur (or any entrepreneur for that matter), it’s easy to become all consumed with work and to only want to read articles or start discussions based on what we do weekly for more than a 100 hours a week. But you can’t. You must have a deeper sense of what’s happening outside of your bubble. Not only to stay savvy and ahead of world’s shifting trends but so that when you go to that rare dinner party on a Friday night, you have something to speak about other than yourself. This is a life-hack to stay educated and well-liked — in the most traditional sense.

“Remain dedicated to a cause.” My mother has dedicated her entire career to academia — immigration policy namely. She did this because she has deep empathy for the challenges immigrants face in the U.S. Now, semi-retired, she still works for the Immigration Coalition in New York City and takes me to benefits for organizations such as Immigration Equality. Her dedication to her field inspired my own dedication to our Zady mission: “No more fashion in landfills, no more production with questionable roots.”

At Zady, we truly believe in living better with less, which is the final bit of advice I gained from my mother. Growing up, she taught me how to turn leftovers into gourmet meals, how to take my older sister’s sweater and tailor it to my liking and how to make my own holiday gifts vs. purchasing mass-produced new ones.

So if it weren’t for my mother, I would not be focused on Zady — and for that, I thank her tremendously for giving my life a clear purpose.

Reposted with permission of Soraya Darabi, co-CEO of www.zady.com

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Inspiring Millions – A Tribute to Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou was born Marguerite Annie Johnson, in St Louis, Missouri, in 1928. Best known for her 1969 memoir “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”, she wrote seven autobiographies, and was a playwright, director, actor, singer, songwriter and novelist.

However, the most important thing that Maya Angelou will be remember for is how she overcame the challenges of her youth and inspired millions of people worldwide with her life, her writings and her words.

“She lived a life as a teacher, activist, artist and human being. She was a warrior for equality, tolerance and peace,” said her son, Guy Johnson.

She leaves with us a goldmine of quotes that will continue to inspire and guide us.

Inspiring

On Treating People

On Why a story needs to be told : “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

On Change : “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

On courage : “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”

On loving oneself : “I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

On knowing : “When you know better you do better.”

On Proving yourself : “You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

On Self-determination : “Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”

On Asking : “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!”

In 1985, she was asked by an interviewer what she would like to read in the obituary. “What I would really like said about me is that I dared to love. By love, I mean that condition in the human spirit so profound it encourages us to develop courage and build bridges, and then to trust those bridges and cross the bridges in attempts to reach other human beings.”

These are words that she will be remembered by and we should all strive to allow this kind of love to guide us in our lives.

RIP Maya Angelou 1928 – 2014

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A Mother’s Life as a Good Wife

In a small village in rural Québec that was just the way it was – you grew up, you got married and you raised a family.  She was only 16 years old when it was decided she should marry the neighbor’s young son.  She had already finished her limited schooling by age 10 and was helping in the kitchen and learning how to be a good wife.

First Communion

Marie-Louise’s First Communion Day

Neither of them really knew what life had in store for them but she was destined to be wife, mother and have many children as per the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church which was the religion she was brought up in. By the age of 21 she had already given birth to 5 children only 3 of which survived. The growing family moved to the city so her husband could find work as the village did not have enough industry to sustain its residents and only a few family members were needed to work on the local farms.

It was not easy bringing up a family with 2 to 3 children in diapers at any given time and by the age of 30 she had birthed 12 children and fortunately I was one of the 9 lucky ones who is here today to recount her story.  Life got tougher when they moved to the city. Jobs were not easy to come by and her husband’s pay was less than adequate to support the family.  Stopping at the tavern the night he was given his pay packet did not help their meager lifestyle.

Hand-me-down clothes and darned socks were the order of the day and trading with the neighbors was the most common way to make ends meet.  She took in laundry to help pay the bills and somehow she always managed to find enough food to feed all of us.  She got us to school on time by walking us there and making sure we never missed a day – not if she could help it.

When I think back now I don’t remember her ever having something new to wear or going out to the movies but I do remember her ironing clothes all day on Saturday to make sure we all looked our best for Sunday mass at the local church.

Eventually we all grew up, moved out of the house and on with our own lives but we always took care of her because, if we didn’t, then who would.  She had made us all who we are today and she sacrificed herself and her youth for us.  She taught us right from wrong; she did her best to ensure that we got an education; and she showed us that there was always hope if we put our minds to making things happen.

It was in 1997 that she finally took a plane trip, her dream flight, to Florida where all Québec snowbirds look forward to vacationing in the cold winter months.  By then she was a widow and her life was her own but she never stopped caring for and worrying about her children and grandchildren. She made and continues to make a huge impact on the lives of all of us and she is remembered with love and fondness.

My name is Françoise Lapierre and my mother’s name is Marie-Louise (1922-2009)       Longueuil, Québec, Canada

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Remembering My Mom and Her Incredible Life

She was just barely 15 years old when the soldiers entered her home and took her and her family (mother, younger sister and toddler brother) to the nearest train station and loaded them into cattle cars for the long trip to Siberia.  There she was put to work in a copper mine for 14-16 hours per day, 7 days per week.  She barely received enough food to feed herself, let alone share with her family, but that’s what she did.  She was a survivor, a provider, and she was my mother.

As unbelievable as it may sound, this is how quickly the life of a 15 year old teenager changed in 1940’s Poland when the Russian Army invaded from the East.  A couple of years of hard labor later, after the signing of the amnesty for Polish citizens in the Soviet Union,  she and her family travelled south to Krasnovodsk where they took a ship across the Caspian Sea to Iran.

Tehran1943 Polish Refugee Hospital

Regina Rutkowska   Refugee Hospital Tehran 1943

At the age of 17, she arrived in Tehran where her head was shaved, she was deloused and her only clothes were burned.  She had to start over, just one of the many times she had to do this in her life.  She was trained as a nursing assistant in a refugee and army hospital while her family was sent to a Polish refugee camp in East Africa.

At the age of 19, she joined her family in Tanganyika, East Africa (now Tanzania) where she lived for seven years learning bookkeeping, working in the camp’s commissary  and starting her own family in less than optimal conditions of the camp in the shadows of Mount Meru.

After several more moves including 6 months in the UK with her husband and son, they were finally granted passage to Canada in the early 1950s and another new start.  She helped to support her family when working mothers were still an anomaly.  She eventually went back to school while working at night and, at the age of 41, started her new career as a key punch operator.

She lived to see two grandchildren born which she loved more than imaginable.  She rebuilt her life after she lost her husband.  She continued to travel, meet new friends, share her wonderful sense of humor, and nurture her family. She passed away 4 years ago at the age of 85 having suffered & survived various illnesses – many of which were brought on by the malnutrition in her youth.

She was my staunchest supporter and I cherished her throughout her life.  She was a strong, determined woman and she was my mother, my model, my mentor.  Every time I wanted to give up because I was having issues at school or work, every time I felt sorry for myself because something had not gone my way, every time I thought life was unfair, I would think of my mom’s struggles and accomplishments.  She was and still is my inspiration and this is HERstory.

My name is Betty Eitner and my mom’s name is Regina Rutkowska Eitner (1925-2010). Montreal, Québec, Canada

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A Way to Remember – Today and Always

With Mother’s Day coming up this Sunday, I thought this would be the perfect time to introduce you to my blog “Inspired by My Mom” and explain why I decided to follow this path to tell their stories.

Multiracial Hands Making a CircleOver the last several years I have been pondering on ways of ensuring that the stories of the women that came before us are immortalized; that they are remembered for the energy and spirit they brought into our lives and the lives of others.  These are the women we know as mother, mentor, grandmother, aunt, neighbour, friend and teacher.  They could be any one of the above or several rolled into one.

As we are growing up and see them on a day-to-day basis we don’t always realize or notice the positive impact they are having on us.   We see them as people that we don’t always like but we always love.  We see them as people who are impeding us because they don’t let us get away with everything we want to do.  We see them as intruders, spies, dictators and many other personas that we love to dislike.

What we may fail to see at the time is that these are the women that are helping us become what we are today and what we can become tomorrow.  These are our inspiration, our influencers and our partners in life.  They are the rock that is always there when we need a shoulder to cry on; an ear to listen to our issues of the day; and arms to hug us when we need it most.

I have created this blog to allow their stories to be told by you, the reader, by your friends and by anyone who wants to contribute the incredible story of the woman or women that inspired and influenced them.  This blog is not designed to be about you and me. It is meant to remember and document the great steps that these women took, the many hurdles they may have faced in their ever-changing lives, and how their experiences have helped shape us and continue to do so.

HERstory needs to live on.  We cannot and should not let these marvelous women fade into obscurity.  Everyone one of their stories has something important to say.

I would love to hear from you and about the wonderful woman that inspired you.  Please share this blog with your friends, family, and anyone who you think would like to write a story about the inspiring woman in their life.  Contact me for more details.

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